I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
