I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
