Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
