Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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