No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm both gender and math confused
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
