he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
