I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
