I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
