i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
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Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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