Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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