Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
