oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
