she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
