I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster