Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.