Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.