i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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