hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.