You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
