an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
