Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
