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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
