just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize