:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
