Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
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dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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