I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
