Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
