also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
