My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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