god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
