there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
