i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
