So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
