Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize