i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
