his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
