you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
