Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
