Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
