The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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