I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
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I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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