I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
