yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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