"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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