A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
