Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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