you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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