Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
