she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
