i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
