my sisters under your porch take her home
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
