And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
