nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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