Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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