How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
