drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
