I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize