the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
