I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
