I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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