she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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