he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
