I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
