mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
