I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
