I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
