I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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