You made me cry and you don't even care
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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