based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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